Another appointment to make, another office that needs your whole history from the beginning, and that energy comes out of the same small supply as everything else.
Some days you don’t know whether you have it in you for the ordinary things, and the question that follows does the real damage: does that make you bad, lazy, unworthy?
Everyone else seems to manage a life without thinking about it, and the comparison lands as a verdict your circumstances never earned.
At night the questions come in the same order: whether you can support yourself, whether you’re ever going to feel better, and whether anyone will actually stay.
If someone asked what you’d want most, the answer would surprise them: you’d want to be less angry, and you’d want something to exist between the anger and the anxiety, because there hasn’t been much in between for a long while.
You’ve also been told to stay positive about it more times than you can count, usually by people who meant well and had somewhere else to be.
Your relentless pursuit of an answer is respectable, and somebody should have said so to you a long time ago.
You’ve been promised a great deal by now, so here is the plain version: the weather isn’t ours to change, your condition belongs to your medical team, and nothing here treats it or makes any claim on it.
The work sits in the part nobody has been assigned: what living inside this has done to your emotions, how it sits in your body, where some ease is available, how to find people who understand it so it’s less isolating, and how to resource yourself when help is out of reach.
A good deal of that happens by letting your body tell the story, which is our Somatic Experiencing training at work: close attention to what a day like that asks of your nervous system, and your emotions treated as information rather than a failure of attitude.
And you’d have a confidant in the search itself, someone learning this water with you, who takes your full account seriously at whatever length it takes to tell.
What clients tend to notice first is the range: irritation that stops short of anger, worry that stays worry, and an afternoon that gets to be something other than either.
They also describe an interest returning in things they’d set down when their health took over the calendar, and the wanting itself is the part that surprises them.
And the choosing starts to feel like yours again: what a good hour gets spent on, what you decline, what your life gets organized around, rather than feeling dictated to you.
That’s the nearest description we have of the work: no requirement that you show up on a good day, no expectation that you find the bright side first.
The free consultation is yours to spend however you want, including all of it on how we’d work with someone in your situation.
We work virtually across Texas, and you can reach Alana at amccraw@plantedtobloomcounseling.org.
Bad days are ordinary here, and you never have to make yours sound better than it is.
Something in your life is asking for attention, and you’re the one who noticed it.
That’s the courage part. We’ll bring the shovel.
Take a look around, and if we sound like the right fit, book a free 20-minute consultation.
Growth starts where you are, and right now that’s here.
You can also email us at amber@plantedtobloomcounseling.org.