“You just don’t understand.”
They yell it like you’re picking a fight, when all you were doing was trying to be a good parent.
These are the years you’ve been quietly dreading since the day they were born.
And the frustrating part is that you do understand most of it. They just won’t take it from you.
The answer is probably no. We didn’t take it, and we came out the other side anyway.
They were right about plenty of it. You couldn’t take it from them anyway, because they were also the people who set your curfew and held your keys.
To your kid, you’re the authority they have to listen to. Or else. That makes you the one handing out consequences, and nobody gets honest with that person.
Your advice lands as a lecture no matter how kindly you say it. That has more to do with the role than with anything you’ve done wrong.
We have no consequences to hand out. Nothing your teen says in here costs them their phone or their weekend.
Teenagers get asked to act like adults while still living under somebody else’s rules. What they’re short on is an outlet, and a little bit of autonomy.
A lot of what people carry for years gets its start around this age, which is reason enough to give them somewhere to put it.
The fear most parents don’t say out loud is that handing their kid to a therapist means getting shut out of their own kid’s life.
So after every four sessions alone with your teen, we try to include a session with the two of you together.
You hear what’s useful, and we get to work on how you and your kid talk to each other, so home gets a bit more cordial.
Sessions don’t always look like sitting and talking. Amber works with expressive arts, so a lot of it is drawing the thing, or writing the biggest whatever down and getting at it sideways.
A young tree gets staked so the wind doesn’t take it down. Tie it too tight and the wood underneath stays weak, because it never has to hold itself up.
The stake was always meant to come off.
What you’ll notice first is small. Fewer blowups over nothing. A decision your kid made alone and then chose to tell you about.
A lot of teens hate the idea at first. Most of them work out over time that having one person outside the family takes pressure off everybody in it, including you.
If you’re at your wits’ end trying to reach a kid who’s closer to an adult than a kid, there’s no shame in getting extra help.
Write to us at amber@plantedtobloomcounseling.org and tell us what’s been going on at your house.
All of it happens online, from anywhere in Texas, so nobody gets hauled across town after school.
The first twenty minutes are free and they’re yours, so bring the questions you’d rather not ask in front of your teen.
Something in your life is asking for attention, and you’re the one who noticed it.
That’s the courage part. We’ll bring the shovel.
Take a look around, and if we sound like the right fit, book a free 20-minute consultation.
Growth starts where you are, and right now that’s here.
You can also email us at amber@plantedtobloomcounseling.org.